Sep 6th, 2022
Hot and Holy Sex - with Spiced Wife Ashlyn Watkins
Ashlyn Watkins, host of the Spiced Wife podcast is here to help us understand that our sex lives can be both hot and holy. Spiced Wife is a ministry that brings Christian wives together in reaching their full potential of being a holy and sexy wife. Married sex is a topic that not a lot of people in the Christian space are talking about and if they do talk about it, it's a very sanitized, hush-hush topic. But we need to talk about this topic and to be honest. I feel like people have real questions and real concerns, and they deserve real answers.
Discovering the Path to Spiced Wife
I asked Ashlyn what interested her in helping Christian women help to make their marriages hot and holy. “I can honestly say that I was provoked to passion,” Ashlyn says. “The pain in my life provoked me to Jesus, although I knew Jesus, growing up in church. My grandfather is a pastor, my dad's a pastor, and I was just in it my whole life. I learned, where that can be a blessing, it can also be a hindrance, because God becomes normal to you and you lose that awe of him. When you grow up in church, you meet church first and you meet Jesus second. People come out of the world right into Jesus, they meet Jesus first and they have this amazing experience and so they're instantly on fire for Jesus.
“With me, I grew so comfortable with God that I learned how to play the part. I was the church girl and the world girl, but you wouldn't know it. I was teaching teenage class, I was leading, praising, worship, leading choir, I had so many roles, and I was wearing the biggest spiritual mask ever. Throughout my life I went through so much. I have a history of abortions, sexual addictions, and just so many terrible things that I had to endure.
In 2015, something clicked, I was just tired of knowing God based on who I was told he was. I wanted to know Jesus for myself. All these years, I've been listening and hearing, and realized I'm tired. I wanted to get clear on who I'm serving. I needed to see who he says I am, but I need to know who he is first. That year I committed to reading my Bible the entire year and my life has changed since then because I learned who God is based on who he says he is. He saved me from the religion that I was hiding behind. In beginning to know him, I found freedom, so it wasn't so heavy to serve Him anymore. My passion comes from loving people's souls and not wanting them to be blinded.”
The Shame of Teenage Pregnancy
That boldness came on the heels of a shameful past. Before Ashyn dedicated herself to helping others find the hot and holy path, she had to find it herself. Ashlyn and I share similar stories of being teen moms who felt shame because we were Christians.
She explains, “I believe I was really delivered from that shame when I realized that my daughter was a way of God's grace to save my life. What I thought was the biggest mistake and the biggest shame when I got pregnant, became the biggest blessing. When God opened my eyes to see that pregnancy slowed me down, it saved my life. And even now, her being a teenager, it's so much fun. She's got the youngest mom, and I'm able to have her friends over and be able to be the fun, cool mom that's discipling them, and they don't even know it. She is such a blessing. What I thought was the most devastating thing is the biggest blessing and breakthrough. I just didn't see it until I began to know God personally.”
Women Stuck in the Sexual Shame Cycle
Ashlyn: Women have pain from who they used to be to who they are now, and they feel like they don't have permission to enjoy sex. Many wives are confined in the thought process of, “ I am still this person of my past.” Some wives don’t realize there is a demonic force that is lying to them to create shame around sex. Satan is the king of lies. He's putting these thoughts in your mind that “I'm not good at sex, I can't be good at sex, or I can't enjoy sex.” It is about learning that you're coming into agreement with him and remembering God made this. Satan just took it and contaminated it. It starts with us, as women having it and enjoying it. It’s about having the confidence of knowing our God is okay with us enjoying sex and that he is okay with you learning how to do it right.
How Can Christ Make Our Sex Life Better?
So what exactly is hot and holy sex? Ashlyn believes that Christ makes sex better because there's no repercussions after you're done. There's no feelings of the guilt or shame when Christ is regulating your thinking around sex. Everything with him becomes so much better. You have to know that he approves of it. When you trust in Christ you don't have to have shame in learning what an orgasm is and how to get it and how to have it. That shame is gone. Christ literally makes everything better, and sex is included. He make sex better because he makes you better.
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Spiced Wife Episode on Christ Makes Sex Better: Episode 163
Learn More About Ashlyn at www.spicedwife.com
Oral Sex, Oh My! Dana Che and Real Relationship Talk
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