Real Relationship Talk

[Sweet Repeat]: How Passivity & Apathy are Silently Killing Your Marriage

[Sweet Repeat]: How Passivity & Apathy are Silently Killing Your Marriage
This episode is a "sweet repeat" of Episode 11 of the Relationship Mistakes series where my husband, Shaun, and I discuss some of the silent killers of relationships. Apathy, or the "I don't care" mentality is wreaking havoc in marriages. If you or your spouse are passive, constantly disappointed, or are growing cold in your relationship, this episode is for you. 
 
Click here for the show notes of the original podcast episode.

For Richer For Poorer (Marriage Vows Series)

For Richer For Poorer (Marriage Vows Series)
 
As we continue our marriage vows series, it’s time we talk about money in marriage. Specifically, how we can create a financial plan that will increase communication and decrease conflict. Today, my friend, Dr. Michelle Lappin, a certified wealth coach with Dave Ramsey, is our guest on the podcast. She gives very practical advice on how to have conversations about money, how to start saving, and when you should invest in more riskier avenues like the stock market.
 
Did you know that financial problems account for an overwhelming majority of divorces? The need for honest and open communication about money is urgent. Michelle’s goal is to help people to create a healthier mindset when it comes to finances. My goal is to help couples build healthier relationships. Together, we are going to help you overcome your money challenges. Typically, couples repeat whatever patterns they observed in their families of origin. This can lead to major problems in their marriages if both spouses aren’t on the same page. Join the conversation and take away some practical tips that will help you to overcome financial challenges and truly create wealth in your marriage.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Learn More About Dr. Michelle Lappin’s Financial & Wealth Programs
 
Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!
 
 
 
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How to Have an Honoring Marriage (Marriage Vows Series)

How to Have an Honoring Marriage (Marriage Vows Series)
 
As a marriage coach, I notice how many marriages are devoid of an essential ingredient: honor. Most of these couples are experiencing conflict in their relationship, but few realize the conflict often stems from a lack of honor. In today’s episode, we are going to discuss what it means to have an honoring marriage. I share several practical ways of how to have an honoring marriage that we all can do.
 
But first, we discuss what is honor anyway?
 
In its most simplistic terms, honor can be defined as thinking highly of and showing high regard for someone or something. It’s recognizing the importance or someone or something. When we show honor to our spouse, we value them, their perspective, their opinions, etc.
 
Practical Ways to Show Honor
One of my favorite Scriptures on showing honor is Philippians 2:3-4: Be free from pride-filled opinions, for they will only harm your cherished unity. Don’t allow self-promotion to hide in your hearts, but in authentic humility put others first and view others as more important than yourselves. 4 Abandon every display of selfishness. Possess a greater concern for what matters to others instead of your own interests.
 
Honor, you see, is esteeming others above ourselves. It’s quite simple (not always easy) to do this in marriage. Here are some tips I shared on the show:
 
Encourage your spouse.
Call them up higher.
Respect your spouse’s opinion(s), especially when you disagree.
Speak well of your spouse in private and in public.
Prioritize what’s important to your spouse.
 
Be sure to listen the full episode below and let me know how you’d add to this list.
 
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!
More ways to show honor in your marriage
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
 
 
 
 

For Better For Worse (Marriage Vows Series)

For Better For Worse (Marriage Vows Series)
 
One of the most powerful phrases in the wedding vows is “for better for worse,” and yet, people don’t always take this covenant seriously. Maybe you’re on the brink of divorce and need an encouraging word today. This episode will not shame you or put you on a guilt trip. It’s intended to bring you hope (and yes, it is a bit challenging, but you can handle it). I want you to go back to before you said “forever.” What did for better or for worse look like to you?
 
The late Doug Larsen famously said, “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” It’s so true. Don’t count yourself or your spouse out just yet. It’s always darkest before the dawn.
 
I do, however, believe there are times when divorce is inevitable or at least understandable. I call these reasons the “3 A’s.” I also blogged about this back in 2019.
 
Also Read: When to Divorce
 
When is Divorce Okay?
 
Abuse
Affair(s)
Abandonment
 
Because I go into great detail on the podcast and in the article above, I won’t go into detail here, but there is a biblical reason for my understanding. I’d love to hear your take.
 
No matter how dark your situation seems, I do believe that God is still in the resurrecting business. Maybe your marriage is about to experience “for better” even if you are facing “for worse.” Be encouraged!
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!
 
 
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To Have and to Hold (Marriage Vows Series)

To Have and to Hold (Marriage Vows)
 
One of the most misunderstood phrases in the marriage vows is “to have and to hold.” This statement is more powerful than many realize. So what does it mean exactly? Today’s episode explores one of the most important facets of a healthy marriage. To be honest, I didn’t really take this phrase seriously when I got married. Many couples don’t. The wedding vows, in general, can often be just another part of the ceremony that doesn’t get much attention. However, in making a lifelong commitment to someone, every word should be taken seriously. There should be a weightiness, if you will, to our words.
 
In a nutshell, to have and to hold is all about our sexual intimacy. Too many couples are struggling in this area unnecessarily. That’s why I’m giving you four easy-to-remember tips to jump start or restart your sex life.
 
 
4 Keys to Jump Start or Restart Your Sex Life
 
Be intentional
Be interested
Be inventive
Be intimate
 
Be sure to listen to the full episode to hear additional tips on these four points and more!
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class
Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
 
 

Financial & Legal Benefits of Marriage (Marriage Vows Series)

The Financial & Legal Benefits of Marriage (Marriage Vows Series)
 
“Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” On today’s episode, we’re talking about the financial and legal benefits of being married. Marriage is much more than a piece of paper. However, that little piece of paper is extremely valuable and comes with rewards, responsibilities and yes, even risks. We’ll talk about many of them and debunk some myths about common law marriage and states rights. 
 
But first, a refresher. I’m including the traditional marriage vows for you to ponder below:
 
I, _______, take thee, _______, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and OBEY, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law.
 
Being Married Comes with Benefits
 
If you’re married, you know that being married comes with many benefits, and let’s not overlook some of the more “non-romantic” benefits it includes like the financial and even legal benefits. On the show I include some well-known and even some lesser-known rewards of being married. And to keep it fair, I also discuss some of the risks involved with being married.
 
Take a listen to the full episode and let me know what other financial and legal benefits we can add to this list.
 
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class
Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!
 
 
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How Are Marriage Vows Sacred? (Marriage Vows Series)

How Are Marriage Vows Sacred? (Marriage Vows Series)
 
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered together in the sight of God . . .  Today we’re diving into the weight of our marriage vows. Too often the wedding vows are treated as an afterthought for many couples. Some don’t even remember what they said on their special day. I want couples to go from reciting rote rituals to pronouncing passionate promises.
 
We’re launching a new season and a new series on the podcast today that will focus on each aspect of the marriage vows. I’ll be bringing some special guests along for our journey. I know you’re going to find incredible value from what they have to share.
Traditional or Non-Traditional Wedding Vows
To lay a foundation, I’m including the traditional marriage vows below:
 
I, _______, take thee, _______, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and OBEY, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law.
 
Now most 21st century women would rather choke on pudding than say the words “obey.” This is my story, and I’m sticking to it. Respect, yes. Obey? Nah.
Still, many couples opt to write non-traditional vows or (gasp!) leave the vows out altogether. I share my thoughts on this in the episode, so be sure to listen to the full episode (it’s a short one!) and get excited as we break down each part of the marriage vows in the episodes to come.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class
Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!
History of Wedding Vows article
 
 
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Why Should I Get Premarital Coaching? (Young & Married Series)

Why Should I Get Premarital Coaching? (Young & Married Series)
 
A few years ago, I ran into an old friend who was recently engaged and about to get married. I immediately asked her who was doing her premarital counseling, and she just gave me a blank stare. Then she slowly said, “We aren’t getting premarital counseling, because we don’t want to open up a can of worms.” To my surprise and utter bewilderment, I responded, “Honey, you can either open the can of worms in premarital coaching or the can of worms will burst open during your marriage.”
 
Too often, couples have rose-colored glasses on when it comes to marriage and, instead of diligently doing the work of marriage, they choose to spend all their energies on the wedding and the festivities that surround that one day. I think this is a huge mistake. We’d never buy a car without first doing our research and checking its history. Nor would we invest in a home or even daycare for that matter without finding out all we can about the home or organization.
How much more diligent should we be about our marriage?
 
Reasons Couples Choose Not to do Premarital Counseling
 
Some couples think “love conquers all,” and that as long as they love each other, they’ll be fine. But all it takes is a brief look at the millions of couples who divorce each year who really loved (and often still love) each other. Love is wonderful. It’s necessary. But it’s not enough. Marriage takes commitment, time, trust, selflessness, and a lot more in order to work.
 
Other couples have this notion that their problems “won’t be that bad,” and that as long as they believe for the best, they can overcome any problem they’ll face. While I applaud the obvious optimism here, I must say that the best defense is a good offense. You don’t learn to play the game of marriage once you’re married. You prepare for a great marriage before you get married.
 
Thirdly, some couples have bought into the notion of “you complete me.” That makes for a good movie line, but not so great for a life principle. Marriage isn’t about completing you. It’s about discipling you, to be honest. We’ve heard it said that “most people don’t plan to fail; they fail to plan.” True that.
 
What to Expect in Premarital Coaching
 
A good premarital coach is one who can see the big picture and help couples attack the warning signs in their relationship. In premarital counseling (coaching), couples will be asked probing questions, discuss their families of origin, talk about emotional triggers, and current problems the relationship is having.
 
Premarital coaching prepares couples to attack (not ignore) their issues. Pastors can provide a wealth of wisdom when it comes to the spiritual ramifications of marriage. However, not all pastors are good counselors. Marriage coaches, on the other hand, are specifically trained in all matters of healthy relationships. But not all marriage coaches will help you to understand the spiritual implications of the marriage covenant. Both are needed, and if you have a pastor and marriage coach, all the better!
 
This is one episode you need to share with anyone you know who is engaged to be married or about to become engaged.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class
 
Episode 55: How to Get Out of An Argument
 
 
 
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How to Get Over an Argument Quickly (Young & Married Series)

How to Get Over an Argument Quickly (Young & Married Series)
 
If you’ve been married longer than 20 minutes, you’ve likely had an argument or two. The key to resolving conflict isn’t avoiding it but approaching it with a new perspective. In today’s episode, I’m giving you five takeaways for conflict resolution that will help you to get over your disagreements quicker.
 
Focus on the Issue at Hand
So often, we get off on tangents, and instead of resolving the original conflict, we actually create more conflict because we haven’t learned how to focus on the issue at hand.
 
Ask, don’t accuse
You can win more arguments by asking rather than accusing. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Don’t jump to conclusions, and by all means, don’t make rash accusations. I give a big coaching tip in this part of the podcast about making the “right” statements.
 
Have a resolution in mind
What’s your end goal? How will engaging in this conversation (or disagreement) help to better your relationship? Is this a conversation that needs to happen or can you jot down your frustrations in a journal? Seriously, what’s the point of the conversation?
 
Don’t let the conflict linger
If you feel things getting out of hand and you need to take a break, take a break, but come back! Don’t allow the conflict to linger on and on with no real resolution. I also talk about forgiveness here and how forgiveness plays out without you saying a word.
 
Don’t hit below the belt.
I wish I didn’t have to explain this one, but oftentimes, in arguments, couples tend to say hurtful things that they can never get back. Be careful of your words, because contrary to popular thought, “Words do wound.”
 
You’ve got to listen to the full episode to get the full gist of today’s conversation. This might be one episode you want to bookmark to come back to later, and if your spouse is willing, listen to this episode with him/her! Remember that conflict does not destroy relationships; unresolved conflict does. So make a decision today to get over your arguments quickly to avoid conflict ruining your marriage.
 
Quotes mentioned in this episode: “Conflict cannot survive without your participation. - Wayne Dyer
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class
Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!
BONUS LINK: Setting Realistic Expectations in Your Marriage with Jenard Moore
 
 
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It's Our Anniversary! Let's Celebrate!

Ep. 54 - It’s Our Anniversary! Let's Celebrate
 
Marriages and relationships have been restored, new friendships have been made, and lives have been changed across 33 countries and more! I can hardly believe a year has gone by already! Our marriage podcast is growing and going thanks to you! Come along on today’s episode as we do a fantabulous year-in-review! Listen as I share some of the highlights of the past year, including favorite episodes, most talked about guests, and what’s in store for Real Relationship Talk as we enter into year two.
 
This special edition episode had me gleaming and beaming. Can I just say we have not missed one week of the podcast! Glory to God. Every single week we have brought you amazing guests, relevant relationship topics, and questions from our listeners. It has been such an honor to host this show. I am already working on some new things to continue to bring you my best.
 
Some of our highest talked about episodes include:
 
Episode 13 – The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships
 
Episode 2 – Overcoming Infidelity in Marriage – with Dr. Cyrus Williams
 
Episode 3 – Rebuilding Trust, Rebuilding Us – with Shaun Williams
 
Episode 26 – Making Love Outside the Bedroom – with Shaun Williams
 
I feel like we’ve only just begun! THANK YOU to those who have reviewed us on Apple Podcasts! Your recommendations go a long way! Please consider writing a review to help us reach more people with this message of hope.
 
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class
Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!
Get my e-book The 5 Relationships that are Wrecking Your Life for FREE
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 

Is This All There Is? (Young and Married Series)

Is This All There Is? (Young and Married Series)
 
I don’t know about you, but I used to look at my marriage and wonder, “Is this all there is?” Is this the best it’s going to get? Disappointment can quickly settle in even to a new marriage and rob you of the love, joy, and wonder you felt on your wedding day. Newlyweds and long-term married couples, alike, often find themselves asking these same questions. The truth is you are the one who gets to determine the answer to that question.
 
In today’s episode, I share 7 relationship tips for you to begin to ask different questions about your marriage. Here are the tips:
 
Marriage Advice for Dealing with Disappointment
 
Ask yourself why are you disappointed?
Go beyond your feelings.
Understand that in marriage, seasons come and seasons go.
Let go of what was to make room for what is.
Get real with yourself.
Remember that it’s about growth over perfection.
Be the person you’d love to live with.
 
I want to encourage you to take an active stance in the formation of your marriage. Far too many spouses are passive about their own progress. You’re in the driver seat. You get to have the marriage that you work for. So, what’s it going to be?
 
For more on disappointment, check out Episode 40: Dealing with Disappointments in Relationships.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Get on the list for the upcoming Wife Life group coaching class
Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 

[Sweet Repeat]: Making Love Outside the Bedroom – with Shaun Williams

[Sweet Repeat]: Making Love Outside the Bedroom – with Shaun Williams
 
One of our highest-ranked podcast episodes was the episode where Shaun and I talked about making love outside the bedroom. We were 100 percent real and raw and heard from many of you how much that episode helped in your marriages. We were gearing up for a couples’ workshop (of the same name) at the time. The workshop was a huge success, and we are still hearing from couples who attended about how their intimacy (in all forms) has reached new heights.
 
Well, friends, I’ve been battling a respiratory infection over the last week that took away my voice, so instead of trying to prepare a new episode and introduction, Shaun took the helm on the podcast this week! He wanted to re-air the “Making Love Outside the Bedroom” episode in an attempt to butter me up once I’m better. LOL.
 
On a serious note, though, we share some major nuggets on this episode about communication, foreplay, understanding the emotional needs of yourself and your spouse, and so much more. Even if you’ve already heard this episode, it’s definitely worth a “sweet repeat.”
 
So, put the kids out of the room, pop in your earphones or AirPods, and take good notes.
 
Learn the art of what it truly means to make love.
 
To read the show notes for the original episode Making Love Outside the Bedroom, click here.
 
For those who weren’t able to attend the workshop live, it’s now available as a virtual e-course! Click here to access.
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 
 

Marriage Values and Forever Baes (Young & Married Series) – with Joseph and Marissa Msefya

Marriage Values and Forever Baes (Young & Married Series) – with Joseph and Marissa Msefya
 
Millennial marriages have different challenges than other marriages. Gender roles, financial responsibilities, and rapid societal changes are among just a few of the various challenges young marrieds face. Joining us on today’s podcast is Joseph and Marissa Msefya, of Forever Marriages, who offer support to millennial marriages. Because they are millennials themselves, the Msefyas have a great way to relate to other young couples.
 
I wanted to know why Joseph and Marissa decided to start a marriage ministry (platform). Joseph explained that in the beginning, it was really challenging for him, because he didn’t want to “put all his business out there,” plus his relationship with the Lord wasn’t really where he felt it needed to be. I think many men can relate to this. But we are so glad he pressed past his concerns, because the Msefyas dropped some major wisdom on us today.
 
Shared Values vs Individual Values
 
Marissa explained that though most married couples come to their marriages with individual values, it’s more important to have shared values. If one spouse values family, for example, more than the other, it can cause major problems. These conversations are critical, although they are often uncomfortable. This is where compromise comes in to help give the marriage direction and purpose. Joseph and Marissa encourage couples to agree on three to five shared values for their marriage and be sure to revisit them on a consistent basis.
 
This process is very intentional. Joseph and Marissa revealed that they hold year-end review meetings, quarterly meetings, etc. to rate their marriage, celebrate their victories, and create new goals. I love this! I believe this level of intentionality is what sets great marriages apart from the pack.
 
 
Gender Roles vs Biblical Roles in Marriage
 
One of the topics that Joseph and Marissa are great at sharing on is the difference between traditional (gender) roles and biblical roles. In their estimation, gender roles are negotiable and often change with the times. Biblical roles, however, are non-negotiable for the Christian, because they are based on what God says about how marriage should operate, according to Ephesians 5 and other areas of Scripture.
 
 
Lessons Learned from Being Young and Married
 
I wanted to know what specific lessons the Msefyas learned in their own marriage, because I realize, again, millennial marriages face unique challenges. Marissa advised she didn’t really know how important community would become in her marriage. She wasn’t prepared for that. Like many couples, she and Joseph minimized the value of “the village.” Joseph added that prior to marriage, he didn’t realize the level of intentionality behind the sexual intimacy of a great marriage. Sex isn’t always taught well, especially in the Church, and there was much to learn in this area of their marriage.
 
This episode is chock full of practical wisdom, so be sure to listen to the entire episode to help you or another millennial married couple to thrive in their marriage.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Connect with Joseph and Marissa at Forever Marriages
Take the Marriage is a V.E.R.B e-course
 
Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community!
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 

Family Matters – Dealing with the In-Laws (Young & Married Series)

Family Matters – Dealing with the In-Laws (Young & Married Series)
 
No matter how much you love your spouse, you might not love your in-laws. Learning how to navigate these family matters is a crucial skill in a healthy marriage. Today, we’re learning about some critical questions every newlywed or young and married couple needs to ask about their spouse’s family of origin.
 
First off, think of your spouse’s family of origin like a marinade. What has he/she been “marinating” in for 18+years? We are all products of our families. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s important to understand your spouse’s family dynamics and how you might help them to break free of destructive patterns that could affect your marriage.
 
Questions to Ask About Your In-Laws
 
I list some helpful questions that you should ask even before you get married.
 
What did you most admire about your parents?
What is your mom’s / dad’s greatest strength?
How did your parents resolve conflict?
How did your parents approach spiritual issues?
 
A complete list of questions to ask your spouse about your in-laws
 
I also share a few tips to remember whenever you’re talking to your spouse about their family. Remember “Yo Mama!” jokes? Yeah . . . it’s best not to trash talk your in-laws. That usually doesn’t go over well. Even if your spouse is upset at his/her parents, they are still his/her parents, and that loyalty runs deep. It’s better to ask curious questions and offer support than bash the family your spouse grew up in.
 
In this episode, I give five helpful tips for managing your expectations with your in-laws, including not “becoming little.” You’ve got to listen to this part of the episode. I know I’m speaking directly to many of you who are dealing with this now!
 
Take a listen to the full episode and let me know what you think by rating and reviewing the podcast.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Facing Your Fiance’s Family of Origin
The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships
Need Marriage or Relationship Coaching?
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 

5 Boundaries Every Marriage Needs (Young & Married Series)

5 Boundaries Every Marriage Needs (Young & Married Series)
 
Setting boundaries is so foundational in marriage, yet many couples don’t understand the necessity or process of setting them. On today’s show, we discuss friends, sexual boundaries, families of origin, and much more. The five boundaries in marriage I highlight are in no way an exhaustive list. Many other boundaries can (and should) be added to this list, but I believe these are the “big ones.”
 
Too many marriages suffer for lack of clear communication and clear lines. One of the many benefits of having boundaries in marriage is that each spouse knows where he/she stops and where the other spouse begins. There is so much I can say (and write) about this topic, but for brevity’s sake (and to entice you to listen to the whole show), I’ll be concise.
 
Do You Practice Any of these Boundaries in Marriage?
General Care and Treatment
Household Responsibilities
In-Laws
Friends
Sexual boundaries
 
The truth is many married couples do not intentionally practice boundaries. Some don’t feel they’re positive. Some feel that “good relationships” don’t need boundaries. Still, other couples have not really ever given this topic much thought.
 
It is my hope that after listening to today’s podcast, you come away with a greater understanding of the need for boundaries in your marriage whether you are young or more “seasoned.” Boundaries are good. They help keep out the bad and keep in the good. And that is what healthy relationships are all about.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Read my article on Why We Need Boundaries in Relationships
Is Porn Destroying Your Marriage? – Very Well Mind
Porn in Marriage: Its Harmful Effects – Covenant Eyes
How Pornography Distorts Intimate Relationships – MentalHelp.net
Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 

Setting Realistic Expectations in Marriage (Young & Married Series) - with Jenard Moore

Setting Realistic Expectations in Marriage (Young & Married Series) – with Jenard Moore
Being young and married has many advantages, but often young married couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. On today’s episode, Jenard Moore, host of the Moore Love Connection podcast, a podcast that focuses on millennial marriages, joins us to discuss how to set realistic expectations in our marriages. This episode was truly one of my favorites and is jam-packed with so much wisdom and practical advice for marriages of all ages.
 
Jenard and his wife Destiny started their marriage podcast after only being married two years. They felt that newlyweds weren’t always being served transparent and authentic information, so the Moores wanted to do their part to help these marriages thrive. I was featured on their podcast as a guest a few months ago, and am grateful Jenard is our guest today.
 
You Know What They Say About Assumptions
If there’s one mistake we should all stop making in our relationships, it’s making assumptions about our partners. Beth McCord, popular Enneagram coach, calls this “Assumicide.” You know . . . it’s the death of our relationships due to our incessant assuming that our partners should think, behave, or be a certain way. Instead, Jenard encourages us to lay out our expectations so the other person clearly knows what you need and what you want.
 
When we have unrealistic expectations in marriage, it’s easy to fall into the comparison game. We can compare our spouses to our parents, past relationships, or friends’ marriages. Comparison is unhelpful and can lead to frustration, resentment, or worse. It’s such a common mistake that we discussed comparison in marriage in detail on a podcast episode here.
 
Why Millennials Are Avoiding Marriage
Statistics show that many millennials are choosing to skip marriage altogether, and even some Christian couples are choosing to live together without being married. This topic is worthy of a podcast all on its own, and if I record one, I’ll be sure to link it here.
 
Jenard believes there are many reasons why millennials are avoiding marriage. Reasons including:
the “serial dater” culture
fear of commitment
fear of missing out (FOMO)
Then, there’s the age-old question: What if I married the wrong person? (Another great podcast episode!)
 
This episode is chock full of wise nuggets, so I hope you’ll listen all the way through. And, once you’re done, be sure to register for my Boundaries for Women workshop (or e-course).
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Connect with Jenard on Instagram or the Moore Love Podcast website.
Listen to the Moore Love Connection episode I was a guest on called The Heart of the Matter
 
Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 
 

Grieving with Hope (Hope Series) – with Deborah Juniper-Frye

Grieving with Hope (Hope Series) – with Deborah Juniper-Frye
 
Grief isn’t a topic most people like to discuss, but inevitably, we will all lose someone or something very special to us at some point, and we need to know how to grieve with hope. On today’s episode, Deborah Juniper-Frye, a grief recovery specialist and friend of mine, joins us to discuss how to find the good in grief, the stages of grief, and how to know when our grief has become unhealthy.
 
Deborah is one of the most compassionate, dependable people I know. She has walked my family through the loss of my grandfather, father, my best friend, and others. When I was thinking about this episode, I knew I wanted her to share her insight with us on how to grieve with hope.
 
Grieving with Hope
 
I just love acronyms, and Deborah shares with us an easy-to-remember acronym on HOPE to help us through the grieving process:  
H – Help yourself
O – Open yourself up to grow
P – Pursue a greater purpose
E – Expect something good
 
Be sure to listen around the 22:25 mark to hear Deborah’s full explanation of the HOPE acronym. As you can see, you must prioritize yourself through the process of grief.
 
When Grief Becomes Unhealthy
Just as we can grieve with hope and grieve in a healthy manner, we can also grieve unhealthily. Too much alone time is good for no one, and although it is understandable to want to be alone while grieving, isolation can be damaging. Deborah shares that harping on negative memories and harboring unforgiveness is also counterproductive to the grieving process.
 
This episode is chock full of practical and purposeful principles to help you to grieve with hope.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Connect with Deborah on Instagram or Facebook
Purchase Grieving Under Grace here
 
Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 
 
 
 

Hope and Healing after Awful, Abusive Relationships (Hope Series) – with Tania Ceasar-Cornwell

Hope and Healing after Awful, Abusive Relationships (Hope Series) – with Tania Ceasar-Cornwell
 
Did you know that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence? Let that sink in. That’s an enormous amount of people who are involved in abusive relationships. Tania Ceasar-Cornwell was once a repeat victim of domestic violence (intimate partner violence) and is here to share her story on the podcast today.
 
This episode is raw and real, and Tania expresses complete transparency and vulnerability in sharing her story. Tania’s trauma started before birth if you can imagine that. Unwanted by her rather and feeling rejected by her mother, Tania began to feel isolated, and to make matters worse, she experienced sexual perversion at a very young age. Having been sexually abused, she began to experience anxiety, panic attacks, and more.
 
But things took a bit of a turn in Tania’s life when influenced by her aunt, she gave her life to the Lord. Her newfound faith offered some relief from her troubled home, but in her words, “the enemy was after me.”
 
From Bad to Worse
 
As she got older, her relationship with God began to fade, and Tania began experiencing major depression. The lack of boundaries and structure in her life exacerbated her trauma, and she began to get involved in bad friendships and abusive relationships. She met the father of her older children at 13 years old and began dating him at 14. Two years later, she was pregnant. This relationship became very toxic and abusive, and Tania confused sex with love. To try to appease her situation, she decided to marry her boyfriend, and things went from bad to worse.
She realized a year later that she was pregnant again as the abuse and now infidelity increased.
 
Breaking Abusive Cycles
Sometime later, Tania got the strength to leave that relationship only to become involved in more abusive relationships. At her breaking point, Tania found her now-husband. Though not physically abusive, that relationship, too, was unhealthy in the beginning. At her wit's end, she found herself wandering the streets and ended up on the steps of a local church.
 
Little did she know, this “chance encounter” would serve as the catalyst to a pretty amazing life change for her and her entire family . . .
 
Listen to the full episode here.
 
For more information on escaping domestic violence, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Connect with Tania on Instagram or Facebook
 
Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

5 Powerful Principles for Waiting in Hope (Hope Series)

5 Powerful Principles for Waiting in Hope (Hope Series)
Let’s be honest, none of us likes to wait. It’s not that we’re impatient people necessarily, but waiting tests our resolve. Whether you’re waiting for a relationship fix, a spouse, healing, or a new job, delayed answers can derail our faith if we allow it to. Do you ever wonder why waiting is necessary in the first place? If you’re a Christian, you’ve probably heard scriptures like, “They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31). That can be a hard pill to swallow when doubt and disappointment are constant companions.
 
Why We Need to Wait on God
I believe God intentionally requires us to wait for a few reasons:
 
Waiting builds patience.
James 1:3 reminds us that “the trying of your faith works patience.” Patience is like a muscle. The heavier the weight, the stronger it gets.
 
Waiting causes us to appreciate the answer more.
Instant gratification does not build maturity. When we have to wait on something, the payoff is often much sweeter.
 
Waiting tests our motives.
Have you ever forgotten about something you were waiting for or, maybe when you were about to receive it, you realized you didn’t even want it? As we wait, our true desires become clearer.
 
Waiting reveals the proper season.
Here’s the truth: sometimes it’s just not your season. As you wait in hope, you will begin to appreciate God’s timing all the more.
 
Now we see some reasons why we wait, but how are we supposed to wait in hope the right way?
 
5 Principles for Waiting in Hope
To keep it easy, and because I grew up a good Baptist girl, I’m giving you “5 P’s” for waiting in hope:
 
Be prayerful – Prayer is the key to keeping your heart soft and yielded. Pray for yourself. Pray about your situation. Matthew 6:8 reminds us that “God knows what you need before you even ask him.” That’s not an invitation to passivity; it’s an invitation to partner with God in prayer.
Be positive – Be careful with your thoughts and your talk. You don’t want to uncover or nullify what you’re praying about with negative, faithless talk. Mind your mind! Don’t allow yourself to become cynical or hopeless. Think on these things (Philippians 4:8).
 
Be purposeful – As you wait, find something to do. Don’t sit idly by waiting for life to happen to you. Get involved in the process. Study, connect with the right people, and act as if the answer is on the way.
 
Be patient – Patience is a virtue and it’s one of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Waiting is one of God’s ways of maturing us.
 
Be prepared – There’s a story that Jesus tells in Matthew 25:1-14 about the 10 Virgins. The moral of the story is that when the much-anticipated “answer” came, 5 of the 10 were unprepared and therefore shut out of the promise.
 
I can recall a time or two when I, too, was unprepared for my answer when it finally came. I link to that story in the links section below.
 
Friend, I know waiting is hard. But I pray this episode will help you to wait in hope. God loves you. He knows what’s best for you, and he will answer you at the appointed time.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
My Story of Being Unprepared While Waiting
 
Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 

How to Know When to Give Up Hope in a Relationship (Hope Series)

How to Know When to Give Up Hope in a Relationship (Hope Series)
 
How do you know when your relationship is over? Maybe you’re tempted to throw in the towel. But then, is doing so the right thing? Being in the middle of the choice to end a relationship or keep hope alive can be daunting. For people of faith, we know that “with God, all things are possible,” but are there are times when it is really the end?
 
4 Questions to Ponder When You’re Ready to Give Up Hope in Your Relationship
There are several questions to consider when you’re vacillating between the decision to end a relationship or to continue to hope for change. I discuss four questions to think about in today’s episode and expound on each.
 
What needs to change in the relationship in order for it to grow?
How will it change?
Do you (or your partner) truly want to change?
What or how do I need to change?
 
At the end of the day, remember that “If nothing changes, nothing changes.”
 
A Word to the Christians about God’s Will and Our Hope
If you’re a Christian, you are likely familiar with Scriptures that talk about hope. These Scriptures are meant to encourage us as we journey through life’s challenges. There are some, however, who believe that God’s will overrides all decision-making. It’s as if no matter what we do, God’s will ensures that success will “magically” happen. Bear with me. Though I believe that God is ultimately in control, I also know that God does not force His will upon us.
 
“God’s sovereign will does not usurp our human will.”
 
If you’re in a relationship with someone and he/she does not want to change, God will not force him/her. Are you holding on to hope or wishful thinking? Think on that.
 
Follow the Way of Peace
When we are praying through a decision, we must follow the way of peace. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
 
We must not only pray but wait for an answer. God will lead you. Trust him.
 
Face Your Fears
Finally, as you decide on if it’s time to give up hope in your relationship, you must also you’re your fears. When you expose your fears, they lose their power. When you’re trying to decide to stay or go, are you afraid of how you’ll look to others? Afraid that God will be disappointed with you? Afraid of being hurt again? Be honest with yourself and deal with the hidden fears in your heart.
 
Listen to the complete episode for a much more in-depth conversation on all these points.
And remember, “When the pain of staying stuck outweighs the pain of making a change, you’ll change.”
 
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Our Story: Rebuilding Trust, Rebuilding Us – with My Hubby, Shaun
 
Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here.
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 

Scriptures of Hope for Your Weary Soul (Hope Series)

Today, I’m encouraging you with scriptures of hope for the weary soul. These 5 Scriptures have carried me through some of life’s greatest challenges. It is my prayer that they will encourage you also. Get in a quiet space, if possible, and allow God’s word to refresh your heart as you trust him with your life.
 
There are no additional show notes for this episode.
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 

Life After Divorce: Friendships, Failings, & Finding Love Again (Hope Series) – with Daniel Herrold

 
Life After Divorce: Friendships, Failings, and Finding Love Again (Hope Series) – with Daniel Herrold
 
As a marriage coach, I am humbled to have divorced people reach out to me for advice. Many want to know what life after divorce can look like and wonder if they will ever find love again. Today’s guest, Daniel Harrold, shares very openly about his journey of life after divorce. Co-founding a community of friends called Divorced Over 40, Daniel discusses how his marriage fell apart, the mistakes he made and lessons he learned, as well as how he rebounded to overcome the stigma of divorce and build a life he’s proud of.
 
Daniel’s story isn’t unlike many marriages: he and his wife were college sweethearts and got married right after they graduated. He wasn’t the typical college guy who dated all the freshman girls. Just the opposite, as a matter of fact. His wife was basically his first real relationship. A couple of years into the marriage they had their first child: a daughter, followed shortly by two more daughters. Throughout the course of Daniel’s marriage, he and his wife sought marriage counseling. Sadly, they continued to drift apart. As they both realized the marriage was coming to an end, Daniel and his wife decided to forgo counseling and choose divorce.
 
The Healing Process
Divorce is often likened to death. The stages of grief are similar: anger, denial, sorrow, blame, loneliness, etc. It’s a deep loss that is often compounded by a lack of closure. Daniel went through an 18-month healing process where he had to be honest about what he did right and what he did wrong. He also learned some new lessons about love and relationships as a whole. Far too often, people begin dating after divorce before first completing the healing process. This is a big mistake and oftentimes leads to yet another broken relationship and a bitter and broken heart.
 
One of the catalysts in Daniel’s healing process was a close group of friends that he developed after his divorce. Realizing he needed close friendships, he co-founded Divorced Over 40 with two female friends to help divorced people heal and find connections.
 
Divorced Over 40
Being divorced can often lead to being stigmatized. Daniel and his two friends wanted to chronicle their lives as divorcees and create a community where those who walked the difficult road of divorce could find hope and healing. They do this by creating relevant content, support, and events for people to meet and develop friendships. This community has been a lifeline to Daniel as he’s found a new life after divorce.
 
Hope for the Divorced
Throughout this hope series, it is my hope (pun intended) that you will find a safe place of healing if you’ve been through a divorce. You may or may not have been the initiator of your divorce, but you are nonetheless dealing with it now. If you have kids, be intentional about being amicable with your ex. This makes all the difference in a child’s life. Your kids do not need to be put in the middle of your relationship problems. Daniel and his ex-wife have actually grown closer as friends and have a great platonic relationship today.
 
Focus on self-discovery and finding the lessons God wants to show you through the process. If you need to forgive, do so. It’s imperative. If you need to repent, do so. Your soul depends on it. If you need therapy or coaching, get some! Take your time, and allow yourself to go through the process. No shortcuts. You will win if you contend.
 
A final word, sometimes, those in the church don’t know how to deal with people who are divorced. They may say the wrong thing or they may say nothing. They may distance themselves or worse, gossip about you. Don’t allow people’s incorrect response to damage your heart. Daniel shares very vulnerably around the 24-minute mark as to his experience with how his faith was rattled after his divorce and how’s he’s on his way back to a deeper faith in spite of it.
 
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
 
Divorced over 40 Community
 
Follow Dan on Instagram @thedivorceddad
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 

When Life Falls Apart: Unearthing Treasure in the Unexpected (Hope Series) - with Hallie Lord

 
A mom of eight children and married for 18 years, our guest, author Hallie Lord, was stunned when her marriage fell apart. Listen as Hallie shares very vulnerably the unexpected dramatic change she encountered in her marriage and teaches us about how to unearth treasure and make peace with the unfinished work in our lives. This conversation was so rich. I know it is going to encourage many of you who feel stuck in your lives, those who are on the precipice of a difficult decision, and those reeling from a life that fell or is falling apart.
 
When Playing it Safe Keeps You Miserable
Hallie’s recent book, Falling Home: Creating
 
Life that Catches You When You Fall, is a deep dive into the unfamiliar, unchartered undercurrent of what happens when life falls apart. Often, when we face moments like this, we are tempted to play it safe and cling to what’s familiar. Hallie can relate, and thought back to when she operated in this mode. She writes, “It was better to remain safe, even if safety meant misery. At least I’d be alive.” How many of you have felt like this? I know I’m being hurt, but it’s not as bad as it could be. I know I should demand better, but at least I’m not alone.
 
Too many people are stuck in miserable relationships because it’s familiar. It’s all they know. It’s much harder to step outside of what’s familiar, but playing it safe is often the wrong move.
 
The Value of Premarital Coaching
Hallie encourages everyone who’s thinking about getting married to go to premarital counseling or premarital coaching. We all bring patterns, habits, and dysfunction into our marriages, and premarital coaching can help to shine a light on these potential problems and patterns we inherit from our families of origin. I, personally, will not marry a couple if they have not gone through some sort of premarital work. As a relationship coach, it’s my job to help couples avoid the common yet often hidden traps waiting to snatch away their bliss. Do not, I repeat, do not get married without premarital coaching.
 
Schedule a FREE One-On-One Coaching Session Here
 
Hallie never thought she’d get divorced. It’s a promise she had made to herself, especially after seeing her parents divorce. But as she slowly realized things in her marriage would not change, she knew it was time to make this difficult choice.
 
What’s the Worst that Can Happen?
When life falls apart, we often meditate on the absolute worst thing that can happen. What if, Hallie asks, we focused on asking ourselves what possible good could come out of the situation? What if we, instead, looked for hidden treasures in the unexpected and unfinished work in our lives?
 
Life doesn’t have to be hard all the time, and when it is hard, it doesn’t have to remain hard. There is another path . . . another way forward. It’s the path of discovering that there is light and life even in the shadows of darkness.
 
That’s the message behind Falling Home, and that is the message of this hope series on the podcast. When life falls apart, there is always hope to be found, even in the unexpected and unfinished spaces.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Get Hallie’s Book: Falling Home: Creating a Life that Catches You When You Fall
Connect with Hallie on Instagram or her Website
 
Interested in my Wife Life group coaching session? Find out more here!
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 
 
 

Dealing with Disappointments in Relationships (Hope Series)

Dealing with Disappointments in Relationships (Hope Series)
 
What do you do when you’ve been disappointed in your relationships? When the one closest to you lets you down or breaks your heart? Truthfully, we’ve all had unmet expectations in our relationships that have led to major disappointment. As we begin a new podcast series on hope, I want to really lay a foundation of the importance of dealing with our disappointments. When we allow disappointment to fester, it callouses our hearts. We become numb, cold, angry, bitter, etc. You pick your poison. However, when we decide to let go of the disappointment, we can learn to walk in new levels of freedom.
Disappointment doesn’t discriminate. In other words, it happens to us all. This episode will help you to stop running from the truth of what or who hurt you and, more importantly, choose a new path by learning to forgive.
 
The Beauty of Forgiveness
“Holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Unknown. Think about that. When you chose to not forgive, you are only hurting yourself. The problem is that we hold onto unforgiveness because we think it shields us from pain. The truth is it only deepens our pain. When you learn to forgive and release others, you are the one who is also set free. if you’re married, you are going to have to forgive often. The people closest to us are also the ones who have greater access to our hearts, and therefore, can hurt us the deepest. But have no fear. Love covers a multitude of wrongs (I Peter 4:8).
 
What Suffering & Disappointment Teach Us
Suffering and disappointment teach out how to endure (Romans 5:3-5). As we learn to endure the disappointments we face in life, we build character, and character builds hope. It’s a beautiful cycle, actually. When you begin to understand that nothing can defeat you, that God can cause all things to work for your good (Romans 8:28), you stop allowing the relationship disappointments you’ve been dealt to win the game. You learn how to make the disappointments work for you.
 
This episode will help you to gain a better understanding of the necessity of disappointments in our lives. I hope it encourages you.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Join my new group coaching class: Wife Life
 
Episode 13: The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships: Release Them, Restore You
 
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 

Understanding Your Core Wounds & Avoiding Toxic Relationships - with Dr. Janie Lacy

Relationship trauma expert Dr. Janie Lacy is here to help us to understand our core wounds and avoid toxic relationships in today’s episode. Janie and I talked about the importance of knowing yourself (i.e. becoming self-aware) and how that knowledge can lead you into uncovering your childhood (or core) wounds. And yes, we all have them. Understanding where we’ve come from can then help us to build healthier relationships.
 
Lately, there’s been a lot of what I call psycho-babble flying around on social media. Words like narcissism, gaslighting, toxicity, and the like, have become overused and ill-defined. I wanted an actual therapist to help us to not only decode these words but more importantly learn to recognize if we see any of these patterns in our relationships.
 
Understanding Your Core Wounds
Even good families have some level of dysfunction. I like to say that we’ve all marinated in the "juices" of our families of orgin, and no matter how we try to detach from the craziness of our childhood, we all carry some level of crazy into adulthood. Think about the family you grew up in. How did you see your father treat your mother and vice versa? Did you even have a father in the home? If not, how did that affect you? Was your mother nurturing or distant? How did you respond to her? Maybe, sadly, you didn’t grow up with a mother. It’s obvious that the way we were raised affects us today. Janie tells the story of feeling embarrassed to speak in front of people because, as a child, she had rotten teeth. She had to learn to overcome her core wounds and learn how to communicate. This revelation led her to becoming a psychotherapist.
 
A friend of mine says, “There is no such thing as marriage problems; only childhood problems that manifest in marriage.” I’m sure she didn’t make that up, but whoever originally coined it is on the right track. What doesn’t get healed gets repeated. Janie also reminds us that if we don’t deal with our core wounds, they will haunt us in our relationships.
 
“We need to understand where we’ve been so that we can unblock where we want to go and why we attract certain people.” – Janie Lacy
 
Becoming Self-Aware
 
Janie and I also discussed some practical steps people can do in order to become self-aware. Understanding your core wound is a big part of this, but it’s also important to break out of the mundane. When our lives are too “ordinary,” and we are too comfortable, there is little reason to change or even question if something might be awry. When trauma presents, we are shaken loose of living on auto-pilot. Ask yourself how do you feel when no one else is around? Do you feel loved? Unseen? The reason many of us don’t want to do the work of becoming self-aware is because it is painful. It forces us to take responsibility and look at our own toxic thinking and areas we’ve allowed others to mistreat us. It’s sobering to realize we had a part to play in these toxic relationships.
 
Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship
 
Before you can rid yourself of toxic relationships, you must first understand if you’re in one. Beware. This is hard. When you truly love someone, it can be disorienting to think of him/her as toxic. The good news is that the person isn’t necessarily toxic, but the behavior is. Not all toxic relationships have to end, but toxic behavior must. Janie shared with us the following practical signs to know if you’re in a toxic relationship:
 
You make excuses for your partner’s negative behavior.
You can’t be yourself with your partner. You feel like you’re constantly performing.
Your core wounds are being incited when you’re around your partner.
You see unhealthy patterns (being cursed out, being manipulated, being abused, etc.)
 
This episode was chock full of sage and practical advice. Thanks Dr. Janie Lacy for all you shared with us today!
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Connect with Janie at http://janielacy.com
 
Get My Free e-Book! 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life
 
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 
 
 
 

A Married Couple's Relationship Tips for Single People (Single AF Series) – with Shaun Williams

If you’re a single person looking for solid relationship tips, look no further than today’s episode featuring my husband, Shaun, as we share from our heart some wisdom that will help you to value yourself and to make better decisions in your relationships. First off, full disclosure, Shaun and I were super young when we got married . . . I was 18, and he was 21. So, technically, our single days were pretty short-lived. However, we’ve heard (and continue to hear) from our single friends about the struggles they’re facing in the single game and want to help steer you clear of some common pitfalls.
 
We thought it was fitting for us, as a married couple, to give some advice for single people from a compassionate yet challenging perspective. One of my Facebook followers on the Real Relationship Talk page sent me a message asking why married men don’t offer “relationship tips” to single women. Um . . . let’s just lay aside the obvious problems with that statement and get to her concerns. She wrote, “Annnnd why is it that married men who seem like ‘Mr. Right’ with their spouse don't have any Mr. Right recommendations for the single sistahs in their lives? I feel like we're out here trying to point ‘em out on our own.” I asked Shaun to take a stab at this question, and his response spawned today’s episode.
 
Relationship Tip #1: Value Yourself
 
This may seem like common sense, but far too many single people do not value themselves. They are not self-aware. They lack boundaries, and therefore, other people do not value them either. I see it all the time—beautiful, strong, smart, and capable women allowing themselves to be treated like options by undeserving men. This madness has to stop. The first relationship tip we give to single people is to honor yourself . . . value yourself. If you don’t, no one else will. 
 
Relationship Tip #2: Stop Bending to Society’s Norms
 
Listen, if you don’t know who you are, you’ll allow everyone else to tell you who you are. Part of being confident and valuing yourself is shutting out society’s expectations, labels, and rules. You are not a Kardashian. You don’t have Kardashian money. You don’t have Kardashian clout. And you do not have Kris Jenner for your mom. Stop trying to “keep up with the Kardashians” or Kardashian-like expectations. No one’s body looks like that, not even theirs. So give yourself a break, and focus on your strengths. If you love you, other people will love you too.
 
Relationship Tip #3: Stop Giving It Away for Free
 
Here’s some old-school relationship advice that really works. If you’re giving all the goods away and allowing your boyfriend/girlfriend to be too comfortable, why would they want to marry you? We’re not suggesting that you start playing games, but you do need to ask yourself what are you willing to withhold in order to encourage your significant other to make an investment in you? The age-old adage Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? still holds, friends.
 
Relationship Tip #4: Don’t Ghost Your Friends When You’re in a Relationship
 
We’ve all had “that” friend. The one who disappears like Casper when they begin a new relationship. It’s immature and insensitive. You need your friends. Don’t allow your new relationship status to undermine the very people you’re going to need to lean on when said relationship is over. Friends give us a different perspective. They encourage us when we’re down. And they bring balance to your life. So, don’t be shady; be a good friend.
 
I am so grateful to my husband, Shaun, for speaking to the hearts of my single listeners. I want you to be sure you’re subscribed to my email list so you can continue to receive these relationship tips on the regular using the link below.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Get Your Free e-Book 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life
 
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 
 
 

Love, Laughs, & Old-School Relationship Advice (Single AF Series) - with Comedian Ms. Maebelle

Love, Laughs, & Old School Relationship Advice (Single AF Series) - with Comedian Ms. Maebelle
 
Away with this millennial dating advice! We’re taking it old school today and bringing our favorite comedian, Ms. Maebelle, to the podcast to give us some old-school dating and relationship advice. Now, if you've never heard of Ms. Maebelle, think of a kinder, gentler version of cultural icon Madea. Sometimes you need that “seasoned wisdom” to help you navigate through the stormy relationship waters. Ms. Maebelle delivers just the sauce we needed. I wanted to get her wisdom on what women (especially) should be doing while they’re awaiting Mr. Right (or Boaz, as he’s known in Christian circles). I also asked her about her thoughts on the over-sexualization of women and her best dating tips. Here are some highlights we discussed in this episode.
 
Finding Your Purpose as a Single Woman
Similar to what our guest Vernicia Eure shared on episode 32- The Art of Becoming Happily Single, Ms. Maebelle advised women who are waiting to be married (or at least waiting to find the right man) should busy themselves with a purpose. Don’t just stand around, aimlessly doing nothing. Be busy. She took us to the book of Ruth in the Bible and explained how Ruth busied herself enough to catch the attention of Boaz. John Sims, from episode 31- 5 Qualities Single Men Look for in a Single Woman brought this point home as well. Ladies, listen up. Being focused on your goals, passions, and pursuits is highly attractive to a secure and responsible man.
 
Is Modest Hottest?
There was a phrase back in the day (speaking of old-school relationship advice) that suggested “modest is hottest.” Basically, modesty is the highest form of hotness. While the word “modest” carries some baggage, I do believe that women shouldn’t bear all their goods to just anyone. Ms. Maebelle reminded us that men have good imaginations, and they like a little bit of mystery when it comes to a woman. Most respectable men do not want the woman they are looking to settle down with to dress too provocatively. But even if he does, ladies, there is something really intriguing about a woman who carries herself well and leaves some things to the imagination.
 
Cooking, Cleaning, and Bearing Children, Oh My!
Old-school relationship advice wouldn’t be complete without a laundry list of all the things women should be doing in the house, primarily the kitchen. Ms. Maebelle believes that women need to know how to cook and clean to win a husband. I pushed back on this a bit because in my marriage, both my husband and I share household responsibilities. Still, there are some who are more traditional, and keeping a clean house is a good thing every adult (male or female) should learn to do, in my opinion.
 
Best and Worst Relationship Advice
We ended the podcast by discussing some of the best and worst relationship advice Ms. Maebelle had given and received. Her answers were pretty hilarious. What’s the best and worst relationship advice you’ve ever received? The thing that I love about older people is they shoot from the hip. Most don’t mince words, but rather they tell it like it is. Although this episode was all in fun, Ms. Maebelle did drop some truth bombs. Let me encourage you at this time to spend time, if possible, with your grandparents. They are deep wells of wisdom and give some of the greatest, most practical relationship advice you’ll hear, especially if they themselves have a solid relationship.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Follow Ms. Maebelle on Facebook
 
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

How Guys Think – A Single Man Bares All (Single AF Series) - with Avery Martin

How Guys Think – A Single Man Bares All
 
I’m often asked by single women listeners of the podcast “what do single men think about?” Does he really not understand the female mind? Why won’t he commit? How do I know if he’s really into me? Questions about how guys think abound (a quick Google search will affirm this) and compelled me to invite my guest, Avery Martin, to the podcast today. I wanted to go straight to the source to find out how guys think. Avery is an everyday man who is very intentional about how he does relationships and what he’s looking for in a woman. Avery allowed us a peek into the mind of the single man to hopefully shed some light on just how single men think.
 
Why Don’t Men Share Their Feelings?
 
Many women want to know why it’s so hard for men to open up and share their feelings. We know that men have emotions, but many seem to have trouble letting us in to their heart. Avery offered great insight by explaining that if a man doesn’t feel safe to share, or if he feels what he shares will be thrown back at him later, he’ll never open up. I asked what the fear behind the man not opening up, and Avery shared that it is partially due to culture telling men they have to be strong, but it’s also that some men don’t know how to process their emotions within themselves, therefore, they can’t share them with a woman they’re in a relationship with. We also talked about how guys think about being intimidated by women, especially since I just focused on this topic in my last episode with Mandy Hale.
 
What Does Equality in Relationships Look Like to You?
 
When it comes to relationship roles, some men are more traditional, while other men are more progressive. I wanted to know Avery’s take on how guys think equality in relationships should look like. He stated that in dating relationships, equality is most demonstrated in the level of effort each partner initiates. It’s no secret that most women love to be pursued by their men. However, according to Avery, she should still make a genuine effort in the relationship as well. One of the tricky parts is that everyone seems to have a different definition of dating, which can obviously cause communication problems and disappointments and can lead to folks finding themselves in “situationships” they never intended on being in.
 
Is He Really Interested?
 
Most of us have seen the hit movie He’s Just Not That Into You (2009). Sadly, because some men have led women on with no intention of commitment, many women are still asking this question of the men they’re dating. Just recently, a woman emailed me to ask if she should move on or continue dating a man who is giving her mixed signals about their relationship. Avery didn’t mince words here: basically, he says, if a man is interested in a woman, she will know it. He will make his intentions known. This is going to be a hard pill for some ladies to swallow because many men give off mixed signals. However, ladies, take this advice to heart. Stop pining over a man who isn’t letting his intentions be clearly known.
 
Maintaining Celibacy in Your Singleness
 
Avery shared some very practical steps he takes in his quest to maintain celibacy in his singleness. I thought this part of the conversation on how guys think was really helpful to those who also want to devote their attention to other things than sex. It takes a lot of focus and effort, Avery said, but it also keeps a lot of problems and unnecessary ties to people at bay. While not all Christian singles are practicing celibacy, many are. Avery brought up the term “delayed gratification,” which is so important to cultivate in these conversations.
 
Some helpful tips on how to maintain celibacy:
Surround yourself with a support group who you can be accountable to and encouraged by.
Find something else to divert your “energy.”
Be careful about the music, movies, and other media you consume.
Date other singles who have the same value for sexual integrity that you do.
 
Listen to the full podcast and hear Avery explain how guys think about “short-term fun” girls and so much more by clicking on the player above.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Find Avery on Instagram
 
Register for My Upcoming Boundaries Workshop
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 
 
 
 

Finding Love Without Losing Yourself (Single AF Series) – with Mandy Hale

Finding Love Without Losing Yourself (Single AF Series) – with Mandy Hale
 
For singles looking for love, the dating scene can be a doozy. Online dating is at an all-time high, and while many singles are out here interviewing spouses, others are quite content in “situationships” that lead to nowhere. The Single Woman, herself, Mandy Hale is on the podcast today and wants to help you singles to find love without losing yourself. Her latest book, Don’t Believe the Swipe: Finding Love Without Losing Yourself isn’t just a dating manual; it’s a self-love manual for single people. Mandy is a New York Times Best-Selling author and social media powerhouse. She has appeared on Oprah’s Lifeclass Tour, spoken at Women of Faith and TD Jake’s Woman Thou Art Loosed!
 
Mandy shares candid dating stories that will leave you bewildered at the brazenness of some of her suitors. But she seems to take it all in stride. She’s been doing this dating thing long enough to know that not every connection is a love connection, and she’s okay with that. Mandy reminds us that dating is supposed to be fun; it’s supposed to be a way of learning about people and yourself. Thus, she knows how to help singles recover from the constant pressure of what she calls “the swipe.”
 
Don’t Believe the Swipe
Mandy explains that the swipe is the incessant pressure put on singles to measure their worth by their relationship status. If a single woman is worried about why she isn’t being matched with more people on the online dating apps, or if a single man is focused on the next woman while in a relationship with someone else, they’re believing the swipe. Dating can be very superficial, and singles can find themselves getting too caught up in their heads, wondering why they’re being ghosted or rejected. They can internalize other people’s reactions to the point of beginning to feel negative about themselves.
 
Dating isn’t just about being matched with someone. It’s about learning to love yourself and being confident in who you are. That’s what finding love without losing yourself is all about.
 
Reclaiming the Joy of the Single Life
We’ve talked about finding joy in the single life on other podcast episodes, namely the episode on In-Between Relationships. There is nothing wrong with being single. Not. One. Thing. Instead of constantly searching for “the one,” Mandy encourages singles to focus on being the one, but not for someone else. Be the one for you. Enjoy this stage of your life. Cherish it. The Apostle Paul says in I Corinthians 7:7, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others” (The Message).
 
Churches can help singles to feel more comfortable and connected, and both Many and I had some great ways to make this happen.
 
The Intimidation Factor
If you are a successful, confident, single woman, you’ve maybe heard a man tell you that you’re “intimidating.” Mandy dedicates and entire chapter in her book to this topic, and we also addressed it at length on the podcast. In a nutshell, a guy telling a girl she’s intimidating is an excuse. “If a guy is truly meant for you, nothing is going to be able to keep him away,” Mandy says. With that in mind, it should take some of the pressure off of finding love. Ladies, you are not too much. You do not need to dumb yourself down, dim your light, or commit any other acts of sacrifice against yourself. If a man can’t handle your awesomeness, tell him to keep it moving.
 
This was a great conversation with Mandy, and I’m grateful to have had her on the show!
 
Notable Moments in the Podcast
 
[9:15]: An in-depth definition of “the swipe”
 
[15:25]: Instead of asking if he/she likes you, do you even like him/her?
 
[20:42]: Finding joy in the single life
 
[23:04]: How churches can do better at celebrating single people
 
[28:29]: The myth of the intimidation factor
 
[36:20]: What keeps a man away if he’s into you
 
[37:00]: Some modern dating definitions
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Mandy Hale’s Website
 
Follow Mandy (@TheSingleWoman) on Instagram and Twitter
 
Purchase Mandy’s Book: Don’t Believe the Swipe: Finding Love Without Losing Yourself
 
Register for My Upcoming Boundaries Workshop
 
 
SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT
To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

In-Between Relationships: Becoming Confident & Gaining Clarity (Single AF Series) – with Videllia and Melissa

In-Between Relationships: Becoming Confident & Gaining Clarity (Single AF) – with Videllia and Melissa
 
Today, we have the love blogger herself, who needs no last name, Videllia on the podcast as we continue our #SingleAF series. But I also wanted my friend Melissa Seaman on the show because, while Videllia is well-versed in handling relationships, Melissa has yet to jump into the dating waters. Videllia helps to empower single women who are looking to build healthy relationships, so I thought this conversation needed to happen.
 
I wanted to know if these ladies felt pressure to be married and if so, where that pressure came from. Videllia went first, and stated that she didn’t feel pressure from family but rather the culture at large where there seems to be an over-arching focus on relationships. Melissa also feel the pressure to get married and have kids, but not from her family. She actually became enthralled in her parents’ romance story, and they served as great examples to her. They taught her to find herself in God’s big plan and to be selective in choosing a man. But she put pressure on herself after watching most of her friends and even her two younger brothers get married. Both ladies agreed that, “Even if you’re not raised to put that pressure on yourself to get married, you put pressure on yourself.”
 
Settling for Mr. Alright
One of the most detrimental things women do in between relationships is settling for who I call “Mr. Alright.” Usually, the woman is tired of waiting for “the one” (i.e. Mr. Right), so she reasons and bargains her way down to some man who meets just enough of her standards. This usually has disastrous results. Of course, no man is perfect, and you likely won’t find every single thing you’re looking for in one person, but I implore you, ladies, do not settle for Mr. Alright. Videllia asserts, “I desire marriage but my desire isn’t so high that I’m willing to settle just to say I have somebody.”
 
Waiting is hard, and you have to develop contentment.  Videllia admits that she’s not always content in her singleness.  Much like my friend Vernicia said on Episode 32 on becoming content in your singleness.
 
“It’s easier to be more selective when you’re not giving up the cookies.” -  Videllia
 
How to Put Yourself Out There Without Appearing Desperate
 
Melissa has never been in a relationship but appreciated how Vidella encouraged her to put herself out there. Videllia shared some nuggets on learning to become vocal without becoming the pursuer. This is something single women need to get good at doing. Gaining clarity and becoming confident to speak up and assert yourself in a relationship is important. But too often, women (and men, for that matter) don’t speak up out of fear of rejection and fear of being hurt. Videllia talked about how we don’t always deal with the hurt, but instead mask it. We know that doesn’t work in the long term, but sadly, many people still do it.
Toward the end of the episode, I led Videllia in giving Melissa a mini-coaching session on what Melissa deemed her problem with the “Friend Zone.”
 
The Friend Zone
 
The friend zone is when two people have a friendship and one of them “catches feelings” for the other, and after sharing said feelings realize the feelings are not reciprocal. How painfully frustrating this can be. Many singles experience this after they have been a loyal and attentive friend to someone who just isn’t interested in the same way. I liked how Videllia encouraged Melissa to not fall into the role of a girlfriend for someone who’s just your friend.
 
Notable Moments Along Our Conversation:
[6:30]: The pressure singles feel from others to get married
[9:14]: Taking your time to make sure you’re compatible with some (especially spiritually compatible)
[24:42]: Why some women are afraid to put themselves out there
[28:01]: Learning how to be clear on what you’re looking for in a partner
[31:50]: How to handle a man who keeps you in the friend zone
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Videllia’s Website
Follow Videllia on Instagram
Follow Videllia on Facebook
Follow Videllia on Youtube
 
Register for My Upcoming Boundaries Workshop
 
 
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To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 

The Life of a Single Mom (Single AF Series) - with Jennifer Maggio

The Life of a Single Mom (Single AF) – with Jennifer Maggio
 
At the young age of 19, Jennifer had been pregnant four times. Two miscarriages and two kids later, she was stuck in an abusive, toxic relationship. This was just the beginning of her story and the creation of The Life of a Single Mom. Growing up, Jennifer was dealt a hard blow when her mother was killed at age 32. From there, she experienced abuse in every form. Her father was an angry alcoholic, and Jennifer endured verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual trauma. Though her father was not the one who sexually abused her, Jennifer experienced the other forms of abuse in his household and learned how to “fake it” in front of church people. The family attended church, but as Jennifer put it, “Sundays was a façade, but the rest of your life didn’t comingle with that.”
 
The Turning Point
All the trauma that Jennifer endured came to a head when as she says, “I huddled on the bathroom floor contemplating taking my own life.” Life had gotten to a point where Jennifer didn’t want to go on. But she also didn’t want her young children to grow up without a mom, as she had experienced. The turning point came for Jennifer when she started attending church again. Feeling like such an outsider, she pressed through, even miserably, week after week. But then something shifted. Jennifer left her abusive relationship but still wanted God to change her boyfriend so they could be together. One day she heard the Lord say, “Stop asking me to change your boyfriend’s heart, and start asking me to change you.” #micdrop
 
Jennifer began to take her faith seriously and through a long process, she began to grow spiritually and break the soul ties she had with her abusive ex-boyfriend.
 
The Origin of the Life of a Single Mom
Jennifer found her home in corporate America and was doing great things there. She was making more money than she ever had before and was steadily climbing the coveted corporate ladder. But then God reminded her of her true calling. She knew she had to help other single moms to get free. She wasn’t a savior, but she believed God would use her pain for these moms’ purposes. She realized that “the freedom takes longer than the rescue.” What a powerful statement.
 
In 2007, in a southern living room, Jennifer and three other single moms met for what would become the first support group of The Life of a Single Mom, a non-profit ministry dedicated to providing support groups and education in three core areas: parenting, finances, and health & wellness. A little over 10 years, 1600+ support groups, and nearly 700,000 women later, Jennifer is fulfilling the vision. She got emotional when I asked her if she ever envisioned how big The Life of a Single Mom would be. I am touched by Jennifer’s humility. She knows that none of this is possible without the steady hand and guidance of the Lord.
Hope for Single Moms
While Jennifer has an extraordinary testimony, this, of course, is not the story of every single mom. Some single moms go through even worse challenges, and some are managing just fine. The hope for single moms, whatever station they may be in, is that you can make it through. You can get unstuck. You can leave old patterns behind. And God can restore whatever is broken. We celebrate the courage, tenacity, and resilience of single moms today, and I’m so grateful to Jennifer Maggio for launching the amazing ministry of The Life of a Single Mom. May it be so that no single mom walks alone.
 
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Learn all about The Life of a Single Mom
Help for Single Moms
25 Ways to Serve Single Moms
 
Register for My Upcoming Boundaries Workshop
 
 
SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT
To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!
 

The Art of Becoming Happily Single (Single AF Series) - with Vernicia Eure

The Art of Becoming Happily Single
Today we’re helping singles learn how to be happy and single. I’m calling it the art of becoming "happily single." Joining me on the podcast is my dear friend, Vernicia Eure, who, though she’s never been married has learned to be content with being single. This isn’t an easy feat, but Vernicia explains how she realized that God had a plan through some of the relationships that didn’t work out. “I’ve learned to be content,” Vernicia says, “but sometimes I’m not all that happy about it.”
Vernicia took her experiences and decided to help other single women in their process of learning how to be happily single themselves with the creation of her Stepping into Purity Facebook group. “What if you’re not supposed to be in a relationship right now?” Vernicia asks the ladies in her group.
 
Single vs Married – The Grass is Greener on the Other Side
Far too often, people think the grass is greener on the other side. Single people want to be married, and married people want to be single. Wouldn’t it be great if we just all learned how “to be content in whatever state we are in” like the apostle Paul encourages us in the Bible (Philippians 4:11).
Friends, the grass is not greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it most. Maybe the question is how are you watering the single life you’ve been given? Maybe it’s time to stop looking over the fence and, instead, begin to truly embrace this season in your life and focus on learning how to be happily single.
 
What Real Purity Is in Relationships
Many single people have been confused or even hurt by the so-called “purity culture movement” that was all the rage back in the 1980s and 90s. True purity, however, has more to do with a surrendered heart than behavior. Should Christian singles engage in online dating? Should they watch certain movies? How should you respond to the oversaturation of sex in our culture? Vernicia talks about the importance of realizing purity goes beyond sexual purity and encompasses mental, relational, and spiritual purity as well.
She gives a really great explanation of this around 21:00 mark of the episode. Vernicia reminds us that you can be “sex-free,” but still need to engage in other aspects of real purity by celebrating your authenticity and embracing where you are in your life now instead of using sex as a cover for you not knowing yourself or your values.
Because I’ve known Vernicia for 30+ years and have been able to watch her life, I can attest that she practices what she preaches.
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
Connect with Vernicia on Facebook or Instagram
Pre-Order Vernicia’s Book Stepping Into Purity
Register for My Boundaries Workshop
 
SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT
To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
 
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!

5 Qualities Single Men Look for in Single Women (Single AF Series) – with John Sims

5 Qualities a Kingdom-Minded Single Man is Looking for in a Single Woman (Single AF Series) – with John Sims
 
If there’s one question single women who are looking for a serious relationship are asking, it’s “Where are all the good, single men?” Today, my guest, John Sims, shares with us five qualities a kingdom-minded single man is looking for in a single woman. But first, he talked about his epiphany of why he was rejecting women early in his relationships. It has to do with his own sense of abandonment and rejection. This revelation is going to set some of you single folks free today.
 
John then debunked the myth that women get emotionally attached faster than men. He told us that men actually get emotionally attached just as quickly, but don’t always show it. Speaking of some of his own heartbreaks, John said he believes that emotional pain is actually more detrimental than physical pain, because while the body heals itself naturally, we need help healing from emotional pain. I really agree with him there. He then reminded us that the best romantic relationships begin with the best friendships and encourages singles to focus on building a solid friendship before jumping into a romantic relationship.
 
What Single Men are Looking for in a Single Woman
 
Now, for the main course of this podcast, John laid out five qualities single men are looking for in a single woman. Here they are:
 
She should be exclusive but not impossible to connect with
She should be available but not desperate
She should be an asset not a liability
She should know how to present herself well
She should be humble yet confident
 
Should you single ladies feel his qualities are “doing the most,” don’t worry, I believe these are qualities most of you already exude. And if there’s something on this list that troubles you, consider asking yourself why you’re bothered before dismissing his suggestions.
 
John is a leader in his church, and you’ll hear him talk about the single lifestyle through a biblical lens. He correlates Ruth and Esther in a way I’ve never heard talked about from a single man. I thought that was good stuff! You’ll find this gold around the 19:05 mark. He then talked about how single women who are looking for single men need to “update your browser settings.” He said you’re looking for new qualities using old filters. That was dope.
 
How to Not Have Sex as a Single Person
 
Listen, I know it’s rough out here in these streets. I know many Christian single men and women want to honor God and remain celibate or chaste (and not have sex) until you’re married. I also know the majority of you are struggling with this. John has been chaste for 10 years. Ten.Years. #YouCanDoItJesusCanHelp. He quotes his bishop as saying, “The reason some of you keep falling out of the bed is because you’re sleeping too close to the edge.” #micdrop. All of this talking about boundaries and making wise decisions was prefaced by John’s explanation of how we are three-part beings and, therefore, he wants to connect with a single woman in three ways: spiritually, intellectually/emotionally, and physically.
 
So, ladies and gents, the next time you find yourself settling for 1 of the 3 or 2 of the 3, don’t. If you want to be married, there are good single men out there! After you’ve prayed and listened to this podcast episode a few times, update your browser settings and look again.
 
Praying for you.
 
Resources:
Connect with John Sims on Instagram at @johnjaysims.
 
Read my blog post on Confident or Cocky
 
Listen to this episode on “How these Hidden Fears are Ruining Your Relationships”
 
Top 10 Places to Meet Christian Singles by TrueLoveDates.com
 
Be sure to rate and review this podcast on Apple and Spotify!

Commuter Marriage: How Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder - with Abe and Elaine Romero

Commuter Marriage: How Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
 
Today, I’m talking with Abe & Elaine Romero about the pros and cons of commuter marriages. The Romeros have been living apart for their entire four-year marriage and plan to continue their unique marriage arrangement for at least another four years. We've all heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but why? The Romeros have figured it out. Both previously divorced, Abe and Elaine decided to keep their own houses in separate states (he lives in Texas, she lives in California) after they got married mostly because of their shared five children. They didn’t think it was fair to uproot the kids, especially after they’d all been through hard divorces.
We talk all about their decision to maintain separate lives while also coming together often. It’s the classic case of how absence can make the heart grow fonder, not farther. A marriage and family therapist with Safe Harbor Counseling Center, Elaine knows a thing or two about how to create a successful relationship.
 
Commuter Marriage Pros and Cons
With anything in life, there will be pros and cons . . . reasons why you should and shouldn’t do something. Elaine explained that one of the pros of their commuter marriage is the excitement of being together. We married people tend to take each other for granted, so the absence actually helps make their times together more meaningful. Both Abe and Elaine spoke of having a deeper connection and better sex when they get together.
 
On the flip side, living apart presents its challenges as well. The biggest challenge being the loss of physical connection. That hug, squeeze, or comforting shoulder to cry on isn’t there. There’s also the trust factor. I asked the Romeros if they had trust issues, and they both answered very honestly. Elaine has experienced infidelity in her past marriage, so trust issues can be a trigger for her. She referenced Susan Johnson, who is a known proponent of emotionally-focused therapy,  as saying, “The true warriors are those who sign up again after past betrayals.” The truth is trust can be an issue whether you’re in the same house or not.
 
Getting Creative While Living Apart
One of my favorite parts of our conversation was hearing how the Romeros use the absence to make their hearts grow fonder by getting creative with date nights. Abe explained how the couple will do “who plated it best” contests. They’ll cook the same meal together on the phone and then show each other how they plated it. How fun! The families also do family movie nights, family Zoom calls, and even online tours (they’ve been to Italy virtually!) and online concerts.
 
We laughed a lot during this podcast conversation, and I remarked to Elaine, later, that it felt like we were just old friends chatting on the phone. Laughter is truly some good medicine and can be yet another thing that makes the heart grow stronger, especially when you’re apart.
 
Resources:
 
Love is in the Air Podcast – Abe & Elaine’s podcast
 
Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage by Mark Gungor
 
 
This episode was sponsored by The Intimately Us app. Download yours today!
 
 

Revealing & Healing Sexual Abuse - with Dr. Jessica McCleese- All About Sex Series

Revealing & Healing Sexual Abuse – with Dr. Jessica McCleese
Here’s the truth: either you or someone you know has been victimized by sexual abuse. It’s a sad reality that most of us hate talking about. But if we don’t talk about it, the stigma and shame will continue its cycle in our hearts and relationships. Joining me on the podcast for this important and urgent conversation is my friend, Dr. Jessica McCleese, a psychologist and sex therapist. Jessica tells us her personal story of being sexually molested and abused and the havoc those experiences wreaked on her psyche. But she’s not alone. I, too, in a rare conversation, talk about my experience with sexual abuse and the damage it began to have on my marriage. But God.
 
So many women and men silently struggle with identity issues, guilt, confusion, embarrassment, shame, anger, and an array of other emotions because of sexual abuse. And many still won’t talk about it. I want to do my part to help people begin the path of healing and freedom from sexual abuse. Statistics show that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are sexually abused by the time they turn 18.[1] That’s a LOT of us!
 
Naturally, as I was wrapping up the All About Sex series, I concluded this was a topic that could be off limits no longer. We need real, honest, and helpful conversations about sexual abuse that will help single and married people to overcome all its damaging effects.
 
A Survivor’s Story
A few years ago, my friend, Terri, shared a spoken word at a women’s conference at our church entitled Story. Terri, too, is a survivor. With her permission, I am sharing her spoken word with you. May you find comfort in reading it:
 
She sits in distress
concerned and under arrest
She, sits in her pretty pink dress, afraid to tell her mom because she’d make a mess
of things
She’s six and he… he cornered her.
She’s not even old enough to write legible, his decibels rang in her ear: “TOUCH IT!”
 
She sits in distress
Concerned and under arrest
Her heart beats out of her chest
She’s too young to be shaken from the nest, but Satan’s jest was to destroy her…
 
And soon - her reality became a mental and physical battle of sexual brutality
As her molester sold her inexpensive lies that tied to her heart like - you’re so beautiful
and you deserve this…
And - just when her eye ducts began to swell, he whispered three destructive words:
DO NOT TELL
And she, she kept his word - that, secret tucked away privately, she put on insecurity
and suffered quietly and silently as he, ran away with my voice…
 
Her shackles grew stronger with age. She’s enraged at the world, every night curled into
the fetal position.
 
Nothing's more painful than knowing that the past you were living was just a counterfeit. 
Yet, nothing’s more rewarding than knowing that Christ is a redeemer
And Satan is a deceiver, he, wanted me to be sick of men, like fever, continually
attacking my views on fatherhood ... That is... 
Until I became a believer
I said Satan is a deceiver - one who gives a false impression
He wants you to be so wrapped up in what happened to you, that you neglect this
lesson: God. Is.
 
God. Is. So concerned about you that he, the Father, sent His own son to suffer - just
when you think your problems are rougher, God's love is tougher...
God. Is. A father to the fatherless. He is perfect relationship, and every time your lips
part to recant your past story, remember to allow God to get the glory
I committed to let God do surgery, I allowed Him to open me up and start purgin’ me - to,
mend the fabric that was torn from molestation, I even surrendered my teenage
frustration and hatred toward my earthly father.
 
In the beginning, was the word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was in the beginning with God. And all things came into being through Him and The
Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone.
 
Jesus, you are the brightest light
YOU designed my DNA, Satan has NO PLACE in the spotlight
He has NO PLACE in this heart, right - NO PLACE in this life, like
He belongs in darkness, only God dwells in the limelight
And no one can write your story, but HIM
 
I refuse to stand here and weep because
I miss and mourn what used to be
I refuse to accept muddy waters for the sake of purity
I refuse to be a victim, dying and dancing for the enemy
I refuse to let Satan write my story – cause only God can author my identity
And I wearily crawled to the cross, and it was there he breathed his strength in me... He
makes all things new
Don’t put on your past, just to dress up your present
 
And today, I stare at blank pages because my story is still being written.
I’m still living it – out loud, and reading it like front-page news…
 
You are not who you used to be.
Written in your story is freedom from pain and sickness, emotionally
Written in your story is freedom from a life ending terminally
Freedom from Satan choking your creativity
You are not who you used to be.
Written in your story is value and royalty
And every detail of our life is worked into something good…
 
So tell me, what’s your story?
©2013 Terri Simmons
 
Getting Help for Sexual Abuse
Whether your abuse happened over the last decades or last night, it’s time you tell someone. It’s time you get help. Reach out to a trusted and trained counselor and get healed.  
 
Resources:
 
On the Threshold of Hope: Opening the Door to Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Dr. Diane Langberg
 
EMDR: a resource to Help Overcome Sexual Trauma
 
The Effects of Porn in Marriage – The Dating Divas
 
Learn more about Dr. Jessica McCleese at BeFullyWell.com.
 
If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual abuse, contact RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) today at http://rainn.org or call their 24-hour hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.
 
[1] https://nomore.org/know-the-facts-citations/