How to Love Your Spouse When You Don't Like Your Spouse

Many couples go through a stage in their marriage or relationship where they don't like each other. You know you should love your spouse, but if you're honest, there are times when you don’t even like them. This episode speaks to that dilemma and will give you some practical steps to take to rekindle the likability in your relationship.

If we are ever going to grow into mature husbands and wives, we must first settle on the fact that love is not a feeling. Sure, you can "feel" loving feelings, but love is so much more than that. I learned this the hard way. Due to the marriage problems Shaun and I had for so long, I had started to become hopeless, thinking there was no way I could ever look at him lovingly again. I didn’t like him. I was often angry. I had been hurt too much.

The Most Dangerous Prayer

I remember back when we'd been married for around five years, I prayed a dangerous prayer: “Lord, teach me to love my husband like you do. Give me unconditional love.” I think that’s when the bottom fell out. I could not have imagined the trials we would encounter or the way God would take me up on my little prayer and teach me how to love . . . His way.

God’s love is radical. It’s illogical. And we are so undeserving of it. He shows us this crazy, radical love and then asks us to show it to our spouse. And yes, you can do this even if you don’t like your spouse. I John 4:19 tells us that, "We love because he first loved us." When you realize the Source of true love, it becomes easier to love. 

In order for God to teach you how to love unconditionally, he has to show you people in their full humanity. #TweetThat.


In order to learn to like your spouse again, you are going to have to be intentional to find ways to reconnect. So many marriages are in habitual disconnection, caught in the hustle and bustle of life or trapped by past mistakes and unforgiveness. For more on unforgiveness, check out Episode 13: The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships

You can learn to like your spouse even if you don’t like him. A resource that might help you to do this is Keep Your Love On by author Danny Silk. Shaun and I took our marriage small group through this book over the course of a year, and it was super beneficial.

Don't turn your love off! You can learn to love AND like your spouse again. 

If you need more help walking through this, why not schedule a discovery call with me at It might be the first intentional step toward a revived relationship for you!


Other Links Mentioned During this Episode:

Episode 12: How to Stop Comparing Within Your Marriage or Relationship

Episode 14: How these Hidden Fears Are Ruining Your Relationship



To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple PodcastsGoogle PlaySpotifyStitcheriHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Share | Download
Podbean App

Play this podcast on Podbean App